Yesterday, I wrote a blog which explained that I have been told I have something called a 'pro thrombin mutant gene'. This basically means that my blood is slightly thicker than most people and that in certain situations (e.g. pregnancy) I need to have daily blood thinners to protect myself and the baby. I've been told that this may have been a contributing factor in my miscarriages as it can cause mini clots in the womb that prevent nutrients getting to the baby.
So I'd seen a consultant in November last year and we decided to try again after Christmas and bite the bullet and hope that these injections would help us to conceive a healthy baby and that I wouldn't miscarry.
I just about got through Christmas and New Year. I found it really upsetting this year. If my second pregnancy had progressed my baby's due date would have been the 1st January 2011! I am usually a big celebrator of New Year. I tried my best to celebrate this year but found myself crying myself to sleep at about 11pm. Usually I would be out with friends but this year mine and my husband's upset meant we couldn't. We also found difficult that no one else referred to the fact that it would have been the due date. I think sometimes people think that if they don't mention it, it won't hurt... unfortunately that's not the case.
Anyway, with New Year out of the way we started to try again... expecting a long wait as it had taken us well over a year to get pregnant the 2nd time! I was so excited to find that we actually conceived in the first month of trying this time! Again, we were filled with hope and expectancy that this time, through having the treatment for my blood, we might not miscarry. I contacted the Doctor's and was referred to haematology at the hospital for an appointment in 5 days time. In the meantime I took a low dose aspirin (as advised by the Consultant Haematologist). We desperately wanted this time to work!
On the day of my appointment, I unfortunately started bleeding on the way to the hospital. It was only a little bit of blood but unfortunately this made me fear the worst. I was able to see my actual Consultant this time round (rather than the person who'd been covering last time) and was put a lot more at ease by this Consultant as she was very clued up. She told me to get complete rest and to start the fragmin injections straight away. I was so upset as this Consultant felt that I should have taken the injections as soon as I started trying and deep down from this point I knew we'd left it too late for it to make a difference (we were also a little bit cross that the stand in Consultant had perhaps advised us badly). This coupled with my ingrained fear of needles meant I had a horrible week.
The fragmin injections are injected in to fat rather than muscle so there's only a few places in the body that you can have them put in. I was having them injected in to my stomach. I didn't find this easy as I am very phobic and the fragmin fluid caused stinging at the sight. It also causes massive dark bruising. Can I just say, the bruising sights don't actually hurt but it does look bad. If anyone reading this is due to have fragmin, please don't let me put you off! When it comes to injections I am a complete wimp! I had to have my Mum come with me to hold my hands (not in a soft way but to stop me from going anywhere near the needles as they were going in) lol!
Unfortunately though from the Monday onwards I started to bleed heavily and miscarry. I couldn't get an appointment for a scan until the following Tuesday so none of the nurses would stop giving me the fragmin. My grief coupled with my hate of having the injections made me less than a perfect patient. I just couldn't see why I needed these injections now that the baby had gone... this wasn't helped by insensitive nurses who were administering the injections who said things like 'think of the baby'. I was so distraught as I knew I'd lost the baby.
The scan the following week confirmed this and I was told that I could stop having the fragmin injections. The nurse who told me to 'think of the baby' has since seen me for a separate appointment and told me that next time I try they will 'teach my husband as there would be nothing more relaxing than having the injections at home'. What she means is, I don't want the hassle of dealing with you again! This makes me cross as I think it is their job to sometimes deal with people who are traumatised and upset, not just to deal with all the nice things!
So it's just over a month after this third miscarriage, we think we'll start trying again in early summer. However, I've just been dealt a double blow that because of the goverment funding cuts I'm likely to be out of a job in a month's time. Great! So future blogs will tell you of what's going on in my life as me and my husband try for a fourth time (we've now been referred to a gynecologist and are waiting for an appointment) and also my situation with work and potentially looking for a new job (thinking that won't be easy when my sick record shows two miscarriages in the last year)!
I'll keep trusting God. Thankful for the ability to read about other peoples' experiences through blogs and twitter so I don't feel so alone in my circumstances!