I tried to wait to write a blog until I was feeling in a bit more positive mood but the positive mood doesn't seem to be arriving any time soon! I really wanted to write an upbeat, life is great blog as I'm conscious that people reading this may think that I spend my time feeling sorry for myself... I promise I don't (well not all the time anyway)! ;-)
My mood has shifted to be one of sadness since I moved in to the time of year that I found out I was pregnant last year (I found out I was pregnant on 22nd April last year) so I guess I hope that when I move past the time of year when I had my 2nd miscarriage my mood will improve? So I'll hopefully be feeling a bit better come mid-June!
I hate the fact that I'm so jealous of others, that when my best friend (the one who got pregnant by accident when I had my 2nd miscarriage) told me that she was spending today going out to lunch with people from her antenatal group that I couldn't be happy for her but that all I could think was I want that!
I want to stop feeling so lonely in my situation but this month it just seems impossible to do. Tomorrow I'll be at my niece's first birthday party. I should be happy but all I can think is 'I don't want to be surrounded by all those Mum's and babies'.
My plan (in between my tears) is to get ready to try again in June. I'm trying my best to have a bit of a health kick as I've not been overly motivated to eat well and exercise since my 3rd miscarriage earlier this year so I'd like to feel healthier and be in the best condition to conceive.
Next week I'll contact the Haematologist Consultant so I can book an appointment for me and my husband to discuss the blood thinners. This time I've been told I should start the daily blood thinners before I get pregnant so my husband is going to need to be trained in injecting me. Praying my phobia of needles is overcome quickly as a week of the injections when I had my last miscarriage was quite traumatic... but people go through worse so I'm going to get on with it and do it! I'm also praying that I get pregnant quickly as I don't want to have the blood thinners for any longer than I need to and at best I think it will be for a year... i.e. before I get pregnant, through the pregnancy and then for a couple of months afterwards (I'm going to be black and blue as these injections really bruise)!
Anyway, off to have my evening meal... husband is out tonight so I'm going to have something nice and watch something fun on TV. Hope this blog hasn't been too much of a ramble of words... I read other peoples' blogs and they are so eloquent. I love reading them so I apologise if mine sometimes jumps from thought to thought!
Praying for all of you who read this who are struggling in some way, whether that's with infertility, miscarriage or something completely unrelated to trying for a baby. I know that God is faithful and He provides. It doesn't make the situation any easier but He has got a plan! I pray that you would find comfort in Him and trust in Him for your future. I'll be praying for your and my miracle to happen in God's perfect timing.