Weary I think is a good word to describe how I'm feeling this week!
I'm on the final leg of my notice for redundancy and finish next Wed... so was very glad when I realised I've got two days leave to take so now I only have to work Tuesday and Wednesday and then I'm officially unemployed!
Motivation has been at an all time low at work and then I've had the pleasure of finding out all about various people either having babies or getting pregnant. I hate facebook for that. In the past you would have been blissfully unaware but now it's the best tool for sharing your 'good news' with your 'friends'.
The hardest discovery of pregnancy this week was a friend who has been really supportive to me over my losses, to the point of offering to come to hospital appointments if my husband can't make them. She's really cared and been thoughtful and I've been really grateful for it as not many people have. But I'm a little upset that I've found out she's pregnant through her husband's facebook announcement saying that 'after weeks of waiting he can finally announce that he's going to be a Daddy'. I wanted to post a response to say 'try waiting a few years and then still not being able to make that announcement'.... but I realise that would show me for the bitter person I have become recently!
I still haven't actually been told that she's pregnant so I'll see how long it takes to tell me... though equally in the back of my mind I do know it must be one of those bad situations that you really wouldn't want to face - telling the person who has been trying for years to conceive that you are now pregnant after not really trying!
I'm still waiting for the results of the chromosome tests that I had done back in February after my third miscarriage. Chased them up earlier this week and they said someone would call me back... I'm still waiting for the call but maybe it will be today. This test is pretty crucial in whether we try again in June or not. If they are clear we will, if they show potential problems we will wait to see the Consultant Gynaecologist in August.
So with the thought that we might be trying in June, I've rung haematology today to book in to get my fragmin injections sorted for when we try next! Yey!! I can't wait for the daily battle of having my husband inject me in my stomach!
I'm trying to feel more upbeat but honestly I am struggling this month... as I said before this time last year I was waiting for my body to miscarry after having a scan that showed that my 2nd pregnancy had ended without me knowing, so I'm finding it all a little bit tough.
Quite thankful to be finishing work... it will give me time to recharge my batteries, to take care of myself and to hopefully be ready to try again. We just need to make sure we cut our cloth accordingly as the loss of income is the definite downside.
I honestly believe in God's timing and am sure that these experiences won't be put to waste but at the same time at the moment I feel truly crap! Keep hoping I can write a really inspiring, happy blog sometime soon but at the moment that's just not how I am feeling.
Off to run a bath, to relax and pamper myself!
Take care and thank you for reading x