Well as work goes, this week has rated up there with the worst! We are now well and truly in the redundancy process and as I've mentioned I've been having to rate staff on matrices whilst also being at risk of redundancy myself.
I am definitely of the conclusion that I'd like to go but that doesn't take away that there are four managers and two of us have to go and two can stay! Unfortunately, peoples' circumstances are different and two of the Managers are particularly keen to stay. So keen that there behaviour has become somewhat unpleasant.
We have had meetings about our matrices and during these meetings myself and the one male manager have been interrogated, questioned and belittled at every opportunity. It's clear and obvious that particularly one of the other Managers wants to use this technique to show how well she has been working over the past year.
As I'm happy to leave the company I'm taking this on the chin but I didn't realise until this week how much pressure the male manager was being put under. On Wednesday this week he told me he'd stayed up all night working on the matrices and simply hadn't gone to bed as he was so worried that his integrity was being challenged.
On Thursday we had another internal moderation meeting and the questioning and harassing started again... why hadn't we done x, y or z? had we checked x's performance etc etc? The male manager was clearly upset but I didn't realise how much until suddenly we turned round and his eyes had rolled back in to his head, he'd turned a shade of grey and passed out! He then had about five minutes of an absent period and passed out again! Very worrying as we didn't know whether it was him fainting or something worse. An ambulance was called and he was taken off to have tests done!
Thankfully he has been given the all clear and said that it was probably down to lack of sleep, lack of food and pressure of work! My prayers are with him as to have work affect you so badly is horrendous and it's unacceptable to be under so much pressure.
It has got me thinking when you're stuck between a rock and a hard place (like the other two managers are who desperately want to keep their jobs) what is your response? What is your behaviour and tactics? I have prayed over the weekend that my true colours in these situations will be ones that trust God, that have peace and that ultimately don't seek to cause distress or worry in others. In simple terms that I would do as I would want to be done by!
It's easy to be nice when life is comfortable but I want to be a person who behaves well and kindly and lovingly even when I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
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