Friday, 22 July 2011

bruised and tired in our attempts to conceive

Just a bit of an update from me.  Hope all is well in your lives!

I've had a busy few weeks (getting to grips with a new job, still trying to conceive, injecting daily with my fragmin and generally socially there's been lots on) and I am feeling exhausted.

I am getting more bruised by the day with the fragmin injections and I think I may have to find a new part of my body other than my stomach to inject in as I'm running out of space.  The bruises look quite extreme but actually don't hurt.  What hurts more is when I inject in to a site that I've injected before and then over the course of a day a bruise like the one pictured appears.. not the most attractive of looks!  So I need to choose where to inject next.. my options are my bottom or my thighs!  Aargh... not looking forward to either option!

I'm also now in the two week wait time!  Feeling a bit more pregnant than last month so trying to stay hopeful.  But then I think I possibly get phantom pregnancy feelings because I'm willing my body to be pregnant!  So I'll wait another week before doing a test and let the test give me the true outcome.

Friends have been being completely insensitive as usual.  I've tried to think back to a time when fertility issues didn't cross my mind and wonder if I said similar things that would have been cutting to someone struggling to have a baby.

Last night I went out for a meal for a friend's birthday.  It's a girl who used to be in my housegroup so her and most of the people there know the struggles we've been through and continue to go through.

Despite this I had to sit through a different friend also from my housegroup talking constantly all night about her life as a midwife and the people she knows who've had children.  Seriously she spoke about this all evening.  Then towards the end of the evening the girl whose birthday it was came over to another girl sat next to me (also from housegroup) and said 'I think you should have a baby as I want someone from our housegroup to have a baby'!  Urrm hello... no one flinched or looked uncomfortable with what had been said and all the table had a good giggle about this.  Apart from me and my husband who were left feeling hurt and once again a bit unsure why we spend time with people who are in the main nice and friendly but who really don't try to walk even a metre in our shoes never mind a mile!

We don't expect people to avoid subjects altogether or to walk on egg shells around us but it would be nice for a bit of acknowledgement of the stuff we are going through.  The girl who talked about babies all night is one of the few who knows I'm having injections at the moment... injections that would hopefully keep the baby alive if I did get pregnant.  I just don't understand the level of insensitivity.

I came home feeling hurt and it led me to grieve a friend who sadly passed away suddenly about 5 years ago.  (Strange how these things pop in to your mind without any prompting).  A friend who would have known what to say, who would have comforted me when I was hurting and would have made me laugh and smile when I was feeling down.

Thinking over this it's led me to a couple of things I thought I would share.  Firstly, cherish those in your life who are a blessing as they really are a blessing and sad as it seems we don't know how long we will have these people in our lives.

Secondly I know that God loves me through and through.  It's easy for people to turn away from God when Christians mess up and don't seem to care.  But the truth is we all mess up... we're all human.  Over the past few years I've made the choice to stick by God because He has always been faithful and always will be faithful.  Don't miss the opportunity to have a relationship with God because people haven't reflected His love, kindness or compassion

Take care.  Hoping you have a lovely day and great weekend x


  1. People just don't understand and don't know what to say unless they have walked in our shoes. To be honest sometimes I forget and catch myself saying stupid stuff. When we are bruised or insecure about something it is harder to let things like this roll off us.

    Keep the faith!

  2. I think you're absolutely right. It is easy to say things without thinking. And I know I've become overly sensitive :-)

    Thanks for the encouragement! Take care x